I hate RSV.

The day we brought Grace home, Liv got RSV.  There are a lot of things that are a good combination.  For example, getting the waffle fries and chick fil a sauce with your sandwich is an example of a good combination. Having a 1 year old with RSV and a 2 day old infant in the same house is an example of a not good combination.  When Grace was celebrating her 11 day old birthday (Why don't we celebrate days alive for me anymore? The next time someone asks, I am going to tell them I am 10621 days old) she picked up what Liv had. Sisters share everything.

  Since she sounded like Darth Vader in a receiving blanket, I decided to take her to the pediatrician who immediately put her on a tank of oxygen and told me to take her to the hospital to be admitted to the NICU.  The whole time this was happening, Gar was at the car dealership in the middle of buying a new van. It was not our most convenient timing for car purchasing considering I was trying to choose the van based on pictures off my phone that he was sending.  

 She was admitted to the NICU for a week and I felt so thankful to have people there to take care of her little body.  It's amazing how close you feel to someone so quickly.  As I watched her sleep (let's be honest, those hospital beds leave much to be desired), I felt like my love quadrupled by the hour.  Even though we didn't have years of memories or conversations, I felt a closeness to her and a desire to protect her and to help her as she laid there trying to breathe as well as she could with lungs full of thick slimy yellow snot.

 Liv and I would facetime and she was so excited when she finally got to come see "Baby Gace".  (Also please appreciate the mushroom fountain hairstyle exploding off the top of her head, if anyone has suggestions for a hairstyle, I'm open..)

I preferred to think of it as our first girls getaway together complete with an oxygen bar.  During the day I would read or just rock her while a million people would come in and assess her (ok there weren't really a million but it felt like a lot). 

 Our getaway suite in Denver...

 After a week she came home for a week still on oxygen.  It's amazing how quickly your prayers become sincere and deep when someone you really love is involved, especially when you've only had them in your life for 11 days.  I'm so thankful that she doesn't breathe like Darth Vader anymore or have a linguini noodle leash hooked up to a scuba tank. Having her sick only made me realize what a miracle it is that she is here. We are ridiculously blessed. I love Grace Corinne Seibold and I want her here to stay for a long long time.

Bienvenidos Grace Corinne...

There are some moments in life that are indescribable. Meaning even if you had all the scratch and sniff stickers, photos, details, video recording and technology in the world, you could never make someone accurately understand what it was like because it was a feeling more than a recorded event. Having a baby is one of those things.  It's like an emotional avalanche that is impossible to explain.  There is nothing in the world like holding your baby that is seconds old and trying to soak up all the feelings that naturally come because of that moment. 

I mean seriously, think about it. March 31st I'm just a grumpy woman with a big belly.

 February 1st I am a thrilled not grumpy woman with a bread dough belly and a beautiful 8 lb 5 oz baby girl. How is the human brain supposed to ever fully soak up that concept? Mine still hasn't and Liv is almost two.

There isn't a better feeling. Ever. Anywhere. It's so weird because even if you can admit that fresh from the womb newborns look more like potatoes or old men covered in cheese sauce, there is nothing more beautiful to you and nothing more amazing than just holding them.  I know peace is an abstract emotion, but I feel like this is as personified as it gets, I love holding peace. It's so pure, so heavenly, so unlike anything you can buy at walmart or order on Amazon. 

I love this picture because it so much womanhood crammed into a single hospital room. My mother, my daughter, my new daughter, me. Life. New life. Someday we will take this same picture when Liv and Grace are having their daughters. I love that. It makes me want to see Lion King's, "Circle of Life" on top of pride rock just thinking about it.

I admit I did feel a bit unfaithful doing such a major event without my best companion.  Since Gar is gone most of the time, Liv is the person that I talk to for most of the hours of the day. We do everything together. Everything. She knows when we get to the aisle at King Soopers where she gets her free crackers at the deli. She knows how to turn on the TV at 9:00 so we can watch Sesame Street together while we both eat our breakfast.  I know her favorite books, her favorite park, which kid in nursery bugs the heck out of her and takes her toys and the fact that she hates pears, needs 3 blankets and all the verses of frog went a courtin  in order to fall asleep. I know which bath toys are her favorite and that she loves the marshmellows in lucky charms just like I do.  She literally is my best friend so I felt a little lonely not having her there for such a big event.  It sounds weird since we are 28 years apart, but I felt complete when she finally walked through the door at 6:30 am. I need her in my life. I love her more than I ever knew I could love someone.   I'm so happy she has a sister. There is nothing on Earth I could give her that will matter more to her. I know that from personal experience.

I feel a deep connection to Grace. I love having her spirit, her old old spirit in such a dependent noodle neck body come into our home. I'm so grateful to be a mother. There is nothing harder, better, or more important in my life.