Busy.

It's too late. Not even Amazon prime can save me. The shopping for Christmas window has slammed shut. We are leaving for Heber to have Christmas with Garrett's family in the morning and it kinda feels good to not have to log on to "Amazon.com" for the first time this whole month.  Christmas cards are out sitting in some mail truck and probably won't make it until after Christmas but if that really offends you, then don't read it and reimburse me my .39 cents later. We spent the last few days trying to get some sub for santa projects that I procrastinated ready and I was not in the Christmas cheer.

This pic accurately depicts our attitude. No shoes. Grace using the walmart pillow to "rewax" and Liv at the shopping cart helm grabbing whatever she felt we needed within our reach. I'm not proud of our lack of classiness. I'm just calling it like it is.  I ran out of paper so the man in the nursing home was getting his gift wrapped in princess paper, I was trying to pack, I felt stressed because none of our local neighbor gifts and notes were ready (the ones with a cute little clever saying and gift like May your days be merry and "sprite", Hope you get some "dough" for Christmas with cookie dough etc etc. We had nothing of the sort ready).  Our living room looked like a garage sale vomited and corn dogs heated in microwave because it was too late for the deluxe gourmet oven cooking was on the menu for dinner. It was not ideal.  I thought to myself how not Christmasy I was feeling. I just felt chaotic and disorganized.  I was reading an article last night and it gave these definitions:

Busy (adj): Having a great deal to do

Full (adj): Abundant, well supplied, filled or rounded out

I realized how quickly I get busy and the busier I am, the emptier I feel. I feel like when you hit your 30's, satan doesn't tempt you with drugs or immodest clothes (like a bikini would even be a temptation after having babies...you couldn't pay me to shove my white saggy flesh into one of those) but can easily make you feel empty simply by getting you to be too busy instead of full.
In residency Gar was gone. A lot. Ok more like always. One morning after he had worked all night I came upstairs and saw the the gals had broken the #1 residency rule of not waking up dad. When I asked Liv about it she said, "We aren't waking him up, we just wanna be with him. I'm sleeping too." I forget that "just being" with someone is sometimes more than enough.  Children are great at shaking your brain to see things simply and so much more clearly.  Liv said to me the other day, "Mom, you're being dimpy. Do you know what dimpy means? It means you say that you want to play with me but then you do something else!"  I admit I am "dimpy" far too much.
I don't want to be busy in 2015. I don't want to sit home waiting for my bangs to grow back doing nothing but I do not want to be busy with a bunch of styrofoam peanut filler like activities that don't last and don't matter.  I want to have a full life, not a busy one.

Full of feeling like this and creating joy in the mundane blah blah ordinary not Disneyland days.


Full of not caring how I look, but more how my soul feels and doing things that make it so I'm not spiritually anorexic.


Full of taking better care of my dang body and eating less crap.

Full of reading that entire bookshelf of books I have downstairs that have never been touched except when I bought them. And doing something so my brain doesn't mold and only have stimulation from Sesame street or learning a new spanish palabra (word) on Dora the Explorer.

Full of spontaneous moments that are not at all part of the responsible routine.

Full of doing something to develop a talent or learn something or do something to create beauty instead of just surviving the day and letting time evaporate.

Full of quality time with these humans that are all mine.

I really love this season so dang much.  Busy or not, it really is the most wonderful time of the year.