Saturday, January 10, 2015

Content in 2015.

I had a a female festivus of chatting yesterday. It was so interesting to me since each one of them is in their own season and world doing whatever they do.  My sister Liza is 17 and started telling me all about her life and what was happening in high school.
 Then she said, "I just want your life. Your life is perfect." I immediately told her that I thought she was crazy because I would love to be 17 again.  That sounded glorious. Sleeping in until you can't sleep in any more and then doing whatever you want all day.  Your biggest stress is who is going to ask you to homecoming and getting your absences excused.  When its dinner time you just come walk down to the table and just like magic, dinner is waiting. Friends are your world and finding something fun on Friday night is the only thing you would need to write in a planner (but you don't even need a planner).

When you need money, you ask your mom. You have no idea what car insurance costs, no need to clean anything but your room that is covered in clothes from your morning stress of trying to pick the right outfit.  No car seats. No nursing bras. No puking kids in the night. Your whole life is in front of you just sitting there like a massive blob of playdough waiting for you to make and go and do whatever you choose.
After we hung up I just thought how easy and fun it would be to be 17 all over again.   Right after she called, my 86 year old grandma called.  Now there is no proper way to explain how delightful this woman is unless you meet her.  She's one of the most attentive listeners you will ever know and has the best sense of humor.
She was telling me how mad she was that her doctor wasn't listening to her when she wanted to chat and how she knows we are made to self destruct but "nuts to that" because she doesn't want to be old. She told me how she was trying to convince her doctor that she had dementia but he kept insisting that she didn't. She was telling me how inconvenient it is to have to get up to go to the bathroom 5 times a night and how boys are terrible at sharing details and it makes her so peeved. I thought how nice it would be though to just be able to get senior discounts, eat out every night, go on trips and just hang out at your house all day with no obligations or screaming babies. 
A few hours later I had just a few seconds on the phone with my mom who was in the middle of a huge stressful work project and couldn't talk  and said she doesn't have a minute to sit down to and relax because of all the people that depend on her and the things that she has to do.

For a second,  I felt jealous that I don't get to work anymore and feel important or that people need me and that my work involves pouring marshmello mateys and watching sesame street instead of working with adults and feeling like you are making a contribution.  I felt a bit jealous that she can go to the grocery store without having children climbing on her and can make her own schedule.
Talking to Em happens more frequently than scripture study in my life.  I always love to hear the details of her world.  She was showing me on face time the emery boards, the tucks pads and the receiving blankets that are all organized in preparation for the new babe that is due anytime. She was telling me about a conversation she had with her husband and showed me her boy (whom I adore), and talking in full sentences as they ate their nutritious healthy lunch .  Think of every good mother you've ever met and then roll that into one person and times it by a zillion and then you will be in the ballpark of the kind of mother my sister Em is. It blows my mind. Every time.

 After I hung up I just wished so bad that I could be the kind of mom that my sister is and have the perfect flawless fun marriage that I always imagine she has.

I then got a text from my sister in law Bethany who is married and has no kids yet and it wanting to go to Europe this year. I thought, "Sheesh, I'm looking forward to going to Costco as my highlight this week. I wanna go to Europe!"

 Finally it was time to put my best friend and side kick to bed. Every night after prayers, stories and teeth brushing we have time where I climb on her bunk bed and we just "talk about the day". We discuss what was our favorite highlights, what we didn't like and what we want to do tomorrow.
In the middle of our conversation she said very concerned, "Mom, can you tell me who I am going to marry? Do I marry dad like you or do I get a different one? I want to know his name."  I have no idea why she was worried about finding her eternal mate but it was such strange thought to me to realize that one day Liv would be married and have girls of her own too.   So many women. So many stages of life.

 What I felt bothered about was how many times during the day I wanted to be in a different stage of life, trade in who I was to be someone else,  or get my money back and a refund on my current challenges and season of life.

I found a book that I had bought awhile ago and started to read it. Within the first 3 pages there were a quote that rang so true to my soul that I am putting it up in my bathroom to read every day. It's by Marjorie Hinckley:

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.  We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us.  We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something.  We have to learn to be content with what we are."

It's nothing extremely deep but I know that needs to be who I am this year. Every stage, every season, every woman has things that they want to be different. I need to learn to be content with where and who I am. Because who I have with me in all my stages really is a gift.

Later in the book Marjorie said, "Fifty was my favorite age.  It takes about that long to learn to quite competing, to be yourself and settle down to living.  It is the age I would like to be through all eternity!"  

I don't need to wait to be 50 to settle down to living. I need to do that now. It is a new year after all. Who knew Marjorie would know the key to my 2015 success?


  1. Chelsea I am so glad you have started blogging again. I really enjoy reading your posts! This last one totally resonates with me. Thanks for the insight!