Thursday, September 1, 2011
It happens every time I see flashing lights in my review mirror. You know that bad "I just ate too much cafe rio" feeling in your gut when you know you're in trouble? Unfortunately I have felt this feeling several times and every single time I always have the same reflex thought process.... I immediately open my excuse mental hard drive and start going through my best files of reasons why I was speeding. I don't even mean to do it. It just happens. Police Lights activate my excuse files. It's not just the law that I do this with, I realize I do it to myself thousands of times a day. It's like a pop up file that overpowers whatever mental thing I am thinking and comes whenever I think of something that I should do that may require a little effort. For example, I should wake up early and read my scriptures before Liv wakes up. I set the alarm with real intent but for some reason, I get a mental pop up and suddenly when the alarm goes off I have at least 8 legitimate excuses of why getting up is not even a fathomable option. It's the same thing anytime I know I should help someone that annoys me or go do my visiting teaching to the lady who blabs for hours that makes me feel as awkward as blind date (I've got a huge file for this one). I'm amazed how many excuses I can tell myself when I know I should just clean the microwave that has melted cheese from my quesadilla last Wednesday suctioned on the side like a barnacle on an old war ship. Instead of just doing the thing I know I should do, I mentally get myself an epidural from feeling the guilt that would cause me to act and instead focus on the excuse of why I shouldn't possibly have to call that person I know I should, or finally vacuum the dang car after months of who knows what on the car mats, or get up early to make breakfast for G even though its dark out.
I make up excuses to police officers with double chins I don't know on the freeway, to teachers when I was in school, to my mom when I was late for curfew, but worse than all of those is the fact that I recently discovered how often I am making excuses to myself. Why I can't do or be what I know I should and instead settle for moldy mediocrity. Then I realized how the Lord feels about the whole excuse file I keep right on my frontal lobe of my brain. I was reading in Alma 42:30 where there's not a lot of room for loose interpretation when it says: "Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point." Sheesh. Pretty sure that's fairly clear on how the Lord feels about excuses. I suppose being omniscient eliminates the validity of excuses.
I think it's time to delete or at least downsize my excuse file.