There are some moments in life that are indescribable. Meaning even if you had all the scratch and sniff stickers, photos, details, video recording and technology in the world, you could never make someone accurately understand what it was like because it was a feeling more than a recorded event. Having a baby is one of those things. It's like an emotional avalanche that is impossible to explain. There is nothing in the world like holding your baby that is seconds old and trying to soak up all the feelings that naturally come because of that moment.
February 1st I am a thrilled not grumpy woman with a bread dough belly and a beautiful 8 lb 5 oz baby girl. How is the human brain supposed to ever fully soak up that concept? Mine still hasn't and Liv is almost two.
There isn't a better feeling. Ever. Anywhere. It's so weird because even if you can admit that fresh from the womb newborns look more like potatoes or old men covered in cheese sauce, there is nothing more beautiful to you and nothing more amazing than just holding them. I know peace is an abstract emotion, but I feel like this is as personified as it gets, I love holding peace. It's so pure, so heavenly, so unlike anything you can buy at walmart or order on Amazon.
I love this picture because it so much womanhood crammed into a single hospital room. My mother, my daughter, my new daughter, me. Life. New life. Someday we will take this same picture when Liv and Grace are having their daughters. I love that. It makes me want to see Lion King's, "Circle of Life" on top of pride rock just thinking about it.
I admit I did feel a bit unfaithful doing such a major event without my best companion. Since Gar is gone most of the time, Liv is the person that I talk to for most of the hours of the day. We do everything together. Everything. She knows when we get to the aisle at King Soopers where she gets her free crackers at the deli. She knows how to turn on the TV at 9:00 so we can watch Sesame Street together while we both eat our breakfast. I know her favorite books, her favorite park, which kid in nursery bugs the heck out of her and takes her toys and the fact that she hates pears, needs 3 blankets and all the verses of frog went a courtin in order to fall asleep. I know which bath toys are her favorite and that she loves the marshmellows in lucky charms just like I do. She literally is my best friend so I felt a little lonely not having her there for such a big event. It sounds weird since we are 28 years apart, but I felt complete when she finally walked through the door at 6:30 am. I need her in my life. I love her more than I ever knew I could love someone. I'm so happy she has a sister. There is nothing on Earth I could give her that will matter more to her. I know that from personal experience.
I feel a deep connection to Grace. I love having her spirit, her old old spirit in such a dependent noodle neck body come into our home. I'm so grateful to be a mother. There is nothing harder, better, or more important in my life.